I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just blew my weed a kiss
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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