Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
