your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
