i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bring money and cleavage
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
