so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
