The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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