Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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