i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
