She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
