I need help removing her.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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