nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
