remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
