You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
