He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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