i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
