I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
