I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
