Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
