Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
