i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
