I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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