He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
