Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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