You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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