So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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