Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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