oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
