I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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