My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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