Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
