Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
