Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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