yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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