Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
