Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Randomize
