ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
