If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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