how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
