where does the pee come out of this thing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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