Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
