apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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