At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
