I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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