too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
