this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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