Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
