her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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