just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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