Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
