you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
