you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
