Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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