Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
