She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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